Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
