Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
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and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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