whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
