This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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