Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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