Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
