It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
