OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
