I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
