WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
