Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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