It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
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No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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