You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
