If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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