i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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