...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
