This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
