her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
