so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
