Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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