I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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