You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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