ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
