I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
