i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
