just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you never un-have a 4some
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
