forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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