Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
