my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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