sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
