A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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