The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
