You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
