She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
did i just pee glitter
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
