my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
time to smoke my breakfast
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
