I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Two words: blizzard sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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