Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
