Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
