Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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