I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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