you win again, gameday.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
