God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
