He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
