i need an iv and a liver transplant
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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