it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
that may or may not have been my penis.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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