i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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