omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
