im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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