Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm jealous of your bromance
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
