I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
