Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
