Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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