it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize