Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just found puke in my bra..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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