I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
