My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
