1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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