i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
