Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
