you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
