I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
