I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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