I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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