rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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