I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
