Can i not drive my cunt home
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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