You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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