If i come over, it means nothing
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
