i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
