Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
organizing the empties. That sober.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
